


That Bewitching Mauve

by Jougetsu



Category: The Venture Bros
Genre: Domestic, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Series Compliant, So Married, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 18:43:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17167301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jougetsu/pseuds/Jougetsu
Summary: Billy and Pete go shopping for some necessities now that they've moved into Colonel Gentleman's NYC brownstone.ORRealizing you're married after a decade or two.





	That Bewitching Mauve

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theblindtorpedo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theblindtorpedo/gifts).



> Dedicated to my Venture Brothers partner-in-crime, theblindtorpedo!

“Can you feel this?” 

This was a square of four hundred thread count combed cotton in what was labeled ‘Bewitching Mauve.’ 

“White, I have felt nearly every sample swatch in the store,” Billy Whalen rolled his good eye and reluctantly took the pink cloth. “It’s soft? I guess?” 

“Just soft?” Pete White stood agog. Simply agog. “What about the luster? The comfort? The durability?” 

“You’re the one who cares about that kind of thing, not me.” This was the fourth store they had been to today alone because Pete had been insistent that comparison shopping had to be done in person. Which was ridiculous because they could have just ordered something online and have it shipped to the brownstone. 

“Yeah, but you’re going to be sleeping on them, too.” Pete pointed out. “We can’t return bedsheets if you tell me they’re too scratchy or slippery after we use them.” 

“We’re going to move out sooner or later, we can just deal with the stuff at home.” They were best friends, but there were more than a few activities they did not mutually enjoy. Shopping was Pete’s wheelhouse. Well, shopping for new things. Billy was more of an online auction and secondhand shop kind of guy. 

“Oh no! I am not spending another night on those hell sheets,” said Pete. “If I slide off even one more time I’m going to break my tailbone.” 

“Coccyx,” came Billy’s automatic response. “You know that word. I taught it to you. Besides aren’t some of these satin sheets, too?” 

“Sateen is not the same as satin, Billy!” Now it was time for Pete to be flabbergasted at his friend’s ignorance.

“They’re both shiny and slippery,” Billy grabbed the nearest sample pillow, garish gold satin edged in heavy fringe and waved it in Pete’s face. “Aren’t you just as likely to slide off these as the other ones?” 

“Which is why I’m also looking at percale and combed cotton sheets,” Pete said with a dainty sniff. It had been the tiniest bit tempting to go shopping with someone who could appreciate New York’s shopping riches, but it seemed weird to shop for sheets for their bed as someone else.

“Maybe if you didn’t wear silky pajamas you wouldn’t slip so much off the bed to begin with,” said Billy. And he totally ignored the slide show his brain conjured of Pete’s newly expansive nighttime wardrobe courtesy of their generous VenTech salaries. “Besides why don’t we get separate beds?” 

“Didn’t you just say we’re going to be moving out soon? Why would we bother with separate beds?” Bewitching Mauve was now up against swatches of Pink Champagne and Rose Pompadour. Decisions, decisions. “It’d be a waste of money and such a hassle to boot.” 

“We could go to Ikea tonight and get a set of-”

“I swear to God, Billy, if you say ‘bunk beds’ I am disowning you as my friend.” 

“Twin beds,” Billy said. Though whether he had intended to say bunk beds Pete couldn’t and didn’t want to know. “We could get cheap twin beds and then you can get whatever sheets you want without needing to check with me.” 

Pete flinched and Billy immediately regretted his suggestion though he couldn’t figure out what was heinous about it. 

Regaining his composure, Pete lifted his chin and said, “I’m sure the Colonel has a futon one of us could borrow in the meantime. Maybe that would be preferable to you.” 

When Colonel Gentleman had welcomed Rose Whalen and Action Man to live with him in his brownstone he had also been gracious enough to extend that invitation to Billy and Pete when they got jobs at VenTech HQ. Neither of them had realized that invitation at the time came with the assumption that they were a couple. It seemed rude and embarrassing to correct the Colonel, and Rose and Action Man and all of their social circle which was compromised of senior heroes, villains, and adventurers. 

“White, let’s not do this,” Billy sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Let’s not have a fight in a Pottery Barn.” 

“Pottery Barn?! Pottery Barn?!” Pete pulled up his cashmere muffler with wounded dignity. “Do I look like the kind of yuppie who would be caught dead in a Pottery Barn, Billy? This is a West Elm!” 

“…you were banned from Pottery Barn weren’t you?” Billy said flatly because what other tone could he have used? Bemusement would definitely send the wrong message right now no matter how endearing his annoying best friend was. 

“Oh yeah, big time,” agreed Pete. “I thought it was just the one location, but apparently they made it a company wide policy. I can’t even shop from the catalog.” 

Billy couldn’t suppress a snicker at the thought of Pete getting into a snippy argument with the Pottery Barn customer service hotline. “You do make an impression on people.” 

Pete clearly wasn’t sure how to interpret that remark (and frankly Billy wasn’t even entirely sure how he intended it) and he straightened his wool pea coat with imperial grace. “I guess I do.” 

“The mauve sheets,” Billy said. “They seem pretty good. And you might as well get a queen-sized because getting new twin beds is probably dumb.”

“Really?” Pete perked up and it was a good look on him. And Billy already thought Pete was pretty handsome. “You’re not just sayin’ that?” 

“And we should get one in another color for when the mauve ones are in the wash.” Stay pragmatic, Whalen. Don’t think about bedtime stuff. “And when we move out you’d probably get a queen bed anyway so you can use them on that.”

“They have a charcoal flannel set in an elegant windowpane pattern,” Pete suggested, shy and sly all at once. “I know how you like your flannel.” 

“Right so two sets in pink sateen and one grey flannel. We can afford it.” 

Billy Whalen was not blushing at Pete White’s thoughtfulness. 

He was blushing because he wanted to know what both sheets would be like on his bare skin with Pete there with him. 

And not because one or both of them were wounded or partially incapacitated from adventures in super science. 

“That sounds like a plan, Dr. Whalen,” Pete replied. In what was definitely his flirty voice and Billy was not going to faint. “Do you know if they sell bathrobes here? Because we could totally use new bathrobes.”

Billy offered his arm because if he was reading the situation right it was the thing to do. “Shall we find out Mr. White?” 

Pete took his arm and smiled wide enough to be seen from a mile away. “Lead the way.” 

It almost made up for the fact that Colonel Gentleman saw their purchases when they returned home, winked and said, “Lots of new sheets, eh? I remember those days.” 

And before Billy could die from embarrassment or sputter how it was none of the colonel's business Pete gave his cockiest game show host grin and shot back with "But none of your paramours were half as brilliant as Dr. Whalen so eat ya' heart out, Colonel." 

Which instead of infuriating Colonel Gentleman produced a hearty laugh and a friendly pat on the back, "Ye chivalrous silver tongued devil! Away with both of you and I'll be telling Rose yer indisposed for the evening with a stomach upset." 

Maybe Pottery Barn, or West Elm or whatever, wasn't the worst place in the world, Billy reflected. And maybe New York was going to better for them than he'd ever dreamed. And maybe just maybe if Billy was really lucky the Colonel would not put a bottle of lube in the third floor bathroom as a kind queer solidarity gesture.

Maybe.


End file.
